I usually write from a different vantage point, through the lens of over there, a place where I’ve gotten closure, or at least clarity, on an idea or situation. But I’m committing to radical honesty as a mom, partially because I don’t have the brain power to work through as much on my own, partially in the hopes that it might make other new moms feel less alone.
So I’m writing to you from where I am at this very moment, which is twenty pounds heavier than I was before getting pregnant and having some feelings about it. I know…I’m not supposed to care. I’ve heard all the refrains: My weight is the least interesting thing about me. I just grew a whole human; I’m supposed to give myself grace. It took nine months for my body to change; it’s going to take time for it to change back. I know. While this narrative around postpartum bodies is meant to be helpful, it can also feel dismissive. The implication is that you will lose the baby weight, just not right away, and until then you should either be happy or quiet about it.
So much of my experience in pregnancy and as a mom has been dictated by unspoken social rules about what I should and shouldn't say. I should be grateful and never complain. I should be happy, but be on the lookout for signs of postpartum depression and anxiety. I should love and embrace my body at every stage, but be active and eat healthy. The contradictions are exhausting. Can I just have an honest feeling about my body without being shamed for it?
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